There are no small upsets, they all take us from the truth of our eternal/internal peace and unity

There are NO coincidences.  All is exactly as it is meant to be.  Do you believe this? I absolutely do beyond all doubt though I cannot say that prior to today I could state this as emphatically as I now am. Today I experienced some amazing synchronicities (what some call coincidences).  My friend Lore Bodard posted in her blog the other day about how we project unconscious guilt and how this shows up as upsets in our lives.  I had just started re-reading a great little book called "Releasing Guilt" by Elizabeth Cronkhite. In Liz's book she talks about the unconscious guilt showing up as anxiety, fear, upsets, illness, and whole long list of "symptoms." This unconscious guilt, as described in A Course In Miracles, is from the belief that we have separated from "God" or in other words that we are a personal self, with a personal story, etc. Because we do not want to face this guilt, we project it onto the 'external world" which in actuality is not external to us.  I pondered the ways that guilt shows up in my life this morning, and while I have definitely had a lot of healing in my mind from spiritual work, specifically from working with ACIM, I see the guilt showing up most often as judgement towards others when they do not do things the way I want them done (yes I have some control issues :/). After meditating on this for a while, and allowing the judgement, blame and guilt to come to my mind so that I could really look at it, I decided to go on a bike ride. 

While on my bike ride there was suddenly a bunch of deer running down the path parallel to the one I was riding on. It was breathtaking! Then I immediately heard a bunch of gun shots going off.  This literally made me sick to my stomach; I cannot stand the thought of these beautiful creatures being terrified, having to run for their lives and then being shot.  It made me cry.  I then had the thought, "there are no small upsets, all are equally disturbing my peace of mind." This made me ponder how I was projecting unconscious guilt by experiencing upset over these deer, and completely lost my peace of mind.  In MY immediate experience however, no deer were shot, my story could have been that these people were shooting at clay pigeons... I DONT KNOW. More importantly, it was my story about this that was keeping me stuck in the belief of being a personal self.  I thought about this for a moment, and the next thing I knew, time seemed to have passed... I don't know how long really but based on where I was at on my bike ride, I would estimate 15 minutes.  But what happened was a disappearance of "MYSELF."  I was in a state of knowing that I am not this body, this personal identity. All distinction between what I thought was external to me, was gone. All senses seemed to disappear, and it felt like I was everything!  It's really too hard to put this into words, but it was amazing and completely liberating!  I suddenly noticed my ego starting to feel afraid, there were thoughts going through my mind such as "you can't stay like this, you wont' be able to get anything done," "you're going to just sit around and not be able to communicate with anyone," etc. as I listened to these thoughts, my experience of nonpersonal self vanished and it was like I was catapulted back into this "physical reality." I spent the rest of my bike ride thinking about this... wondering how did it happen? Was it because I was letting go of the unconscious guilt, letting go of the story I was believing about the deer, etc.  I have had glimpses of this state of not being this individual self, but it has never lasted this long and it has never been this profound. All theorizing, believing, etc. has been replaced with experience and knowing. I am amazed. I also realized fully, how our egos, while they do cause us pain, also allow us to experience the physical world. While I was in that state and it felt amazing, because there was no distinction between anything, the enjoyment was different from when you are witnessing things as separate subjects from yourself and can enjoy in a totally different way. This experience feels like it has been life changing.  But then I guess all experiences are, since we change each moment.

As I continued to ride, one more synchronicity occurred, and I will share it, and then end this, as I don't have any further words about what I have experienced.  After I was returned to this personal self,  the song that came through my airpods is called "Little Earthquakes" by Tori Amos. In it she speaks of many upsetting things in her life, and states, "Oooh these little earthquakes... doesn't take much to rip us into pieces." And I thought of how this applied to what I had been thinking... All of our upsets, all of the beliefs that we have that keep us believing in this individual identity, take us from the greatest peace of all, which is knowing that we are ONE. These little earthquakes, or these little upsets in our minds, DO RIP US INTO PIECES...(in our minds anyways), and take us out of our experience of our oneness. 

ACIM Lesson 6. "
There are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind. And: I cannot keep this form of upset and let the others go."