I am not meant for this world. this world is not meant for me.
Yesterday my husband and I were having a discussion on how fast time is going. Our responses to this phenomenon were in direct opposition. His being that he wants time to slow down, that he doesn't want the years to go by. Mine being that I am glad that time is going by, that I don't have any desire to slow it down or hold on to the years in any way. At first I felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling this way, like maybe i have some unrecognized wish for death, or that this means that I am dissatisfied with my life. Thinking about this more though I realize that no, I don't wish for death, I have been there before and I am not there now. And I am very satisfied with my life, I feel completely content with how things are going, and have been able to find acceptance in a lot of difficulties that have occurred. So I wonder what is this about, that I am not feeling a longing for time to slow down, or to hold on to memories, etc. I thought of a quote by C.S. Lewis *****. While I don't believe in a heaven as in the christian tradition, i do believe in another state of being, another level of consciousness, where there is total unity with all and it is a completely pure state of just being. And it is this that I long for.
There is a reading from the spiritual text "A course in MIracles" it says the following:
"The world you see holds nothing that you need to offer you; nothing that you can use in any way, nor anything at all that serves to give you joy. believe this thought, and you are saved from years of misery, from countless disappointments, and from hopes that turn to bitter ashes of despair. no one but must accept this thought as true, if he would leave the world behind and soar beyond its petty scope and little ways. Each thing you value here is but a chain that binds you to the world, and it will serve no other end but this. For everything must serve the purpose you have given it, until you see a different purpose there. The only purpose worthy of your mind this world contains is that you pass it by, without delaying to perceive some hope where there is none. Be you decieved no more. The world you see holds nothing that you want.". And it is this that resonates so true for me. I have sought and sought in this world, but have not found.
The text goes on to say "nothing is here to cherish. Nothing here is worth an instant of delay and pain; one moment of uncertainty and doubt. The worthless offer nothing. Certainty of worth can not be found in worthlessness." My eternal joy and peace is not going to be found here in this world of worthlessness. And so how do I then balance this with the act of living here in a relative state of happiness? "let go all thought of values we have given to the world. We leave it free of purposes we gave its aspects and its dreams. We hold it purposeless within our minds, and loosen it from all we wish it were. Thus do we lift the chains that bar the door to freedom from the world, and go beyond all little values and diminished goals." This is where I was last night in my conversation with my husband. And in this state of mind I do find a peace. When I can pause and be still, I feel that I am releasing my mind from this world and it's concerns and I can enter a space that "feels right" and that is because that is the natural state of my mind. But being in this world and placing value on it forces my mind to be out of it's natural state. I am thankful that I can easily go to the place where there is freedom. I will continue to enjoy my life, and will work to not have expectations on what is valueless but to live in a place of acceptance.
The text ends this section with this "your whole perspective on the world will shift by just a little, everytime you let your mind escape its chains. the world is not where it belongs. and you belong where it would be, and where it goes to rest when you release it from the world." When I recognize that I am placing value on the valueless i can remind myself "the world i see holds nothing that I want." peace is here.
There is a reading from the spiritual text "A course in MIracles" it says the following:
"The world you see holds nothing that you need to offer you; nothing that you can use in any way, nor anything at all that serves to give you joy. believe this thought, and you are saved from years of misery, from countless disappointments, and from hopes that turn to bitter ashes of despair. no one but must accept this thought as true, if he would leave the world behind and soar beyond its petty scope and little ways. Each thing you value here is but a chain that binds you to the world, and it will serve no other end but this. For everything must serve the purpose you have given it, until you see a different purpose there. The only purpose worthy of your mind this world contains is that you pass it by, without delaying to perceive some hope where there is none. Be you decieved no more. The world you see holds nothing that you want.". And it is this that resonates so true for me. I have sought and sought in this world, but have not found.
The text goes on to say "nothing is here to cherish. Nothing here is worth an instant of delay and pain; one moment of uncertainty and doubt. The worthless offer nothing. Certainty of worth can not be found in worthlessness." My eternal joy and peace is not going to be found here in this world of worthlessness. And so how do I then balance this with the act of living here in a relative state of happiness? "let go all thought of values we have given to the world. We leave it free of purposes we gave its aspects and its dreams. We hold it purposeless within our minds, and loosen it from all we wish it were. Thus do we lift the chains that bar the door to freedom from the world, and go beyond all little values and diminished goals." This is where I was last night in my conversation with my husband. And in this state of mind I do find a peace. When I can pause and be still, I feel that I am releasing my mind from this world and it's concerns and I can enter a space that "feels right" and that is because that is the natural state of my mind. But being in this world and placing value on it forces my mind to be out of it's natural state. I am thankful that I can easily go to the place where there is freedom. I will continue to enjoy my life, and will work to not have expectations on what is valueless but to live in a place of acceptance.
The text ends this section with this "your whole perspective on the world will shift by just a little, everytime you let your mind escape its chains. the world is not where it belongs. and you belong where it would be, and where it goes to rest when you release it from the world." When I recognize that I am placing value on the valueless i can remind myself "the world i see holds nothing that I want." peace is here.
oops i meant to add that c.s. lewis quote, it says "if i find within myself a desire which nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that I was made for another world."
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